Is so much whining normal?

Often in this house it feels like all I'm listening to is a constant stream of toddler whines. Sure, there are happy moments and times of laughter, but those fussy, whiney cries of discontent can so quickly drown out all the happy noises. It's exhausting.

I'm trying to find the balance between being strictly authoritative and leading by being calm. Both ways can achieve accurately communicating that that's not how we express ourselves in this house, but they're totally different approaches. The first feels to me like a stiff and intolerant method. Roscoe gets whiney, and I turn into an order-barking porcupine. "You stop that whining right now." Bam. That's it. No wiggle room, no discussion. The second method looks more like: roscoe gets whiney, and I approach him lovingly, gently; put him on my lap and calmly (firmly, yes, but serenely) convey that we don't whine our words. That he is welcome to always tell me how he feels, what he is thinking, but without whining. We as his parents are always here to listen and talk things through. There is no "porcupine" feeling here. I am being completely approachable, nothing to fear.

I believe both methods have their right place. When I say I want to calmly, lovingly instruct him, I'm not saying that I let him walk all over me. Yes, I am the parent and he is the child. I get that. I know there are times when the firm "put the foot down, don't stand for anything else" approach is necessary, but should that be the case every. single. time.? Can't we communicate and instruct our children without barking orders all day long?

Does any of this make sense? I've heard that every child responds to different methods of teaching and correction differently, I'm just trying to figure out how mine is wired in this area. And it's a challenge, considering he's a toddler who can't yet communicate with words, only whining--the very thing I'm trying to correct.

Advice?

a better day

I am currently thankful that, despite a few episodes, today was pretty much a normal, fit/tantrum free day for the little guy.  I did notice that I was focusing more attention on him, putting the iPhone away, and not trying to multitask so much when he was wanting to play with me.  I'm not sure if that's what made the difference or not.  But it did take a lot of effort.  To be honest, keeping up with him wears me out!  He's absolutely exhausting.

He's been in bed almost an hour, and I've been sitting in the silence trying to upload pictures from the beach.  Apparently I'm running low on disc space on the laptop, so we need to clean the computer out before I can get those pictures in and uploaded here.

when the little one seems too big

I've been struggling with Roscoe.  It seems like the "terrible 2s" have arrived early.  More like the "terrible pre-18months," only the tantrums and fits seem to be directed mostly at me.

I just got off the phone with Mark about this, and he was encouraging (as encouraging as he can be, because this is not an easy phase for me)... But I thought I'd get my thoughts out, let you into my head, try to relinquish my stubborn "I-can-do-it-myself" childlikeness, and make myself open to suggestions and advice.

Roscoe has always had a tendency to pitch a fit.  That started when he was tinier than tiny.  But those fits used to be easily corrected (easily enough).  He responded to our correction.  Now, he's putting up really really big fights.  His temper is...just right there....right under the surface ready to explode.  And when he doesn't get what he wants, BOOM!!!!!!

Without giving examples, I'll say that 90% of the time, with words and facial expressions Mark can correct him and get the desired response.  It isn't easy, but it works.  The other 10% of the time that Mark handles it, it takes more effort. 

I feel like the numbers are reversed for me.  For whatever reason, my 90% is full of frustration and failure, where on my end I'm receiving abuse and anger from my own son...my 15 month old son.  Often he gets angry at me and screams in my face multiple times, sometimes throwing a hit in there.  Discipline doesn't seem to phase him, so it just turns into a seemingly endless cycle of whining, fussing, screaming, correction, wash, rinse, repeat.

I think what is the hardest for me is that all I feel that I do is pour love into him.  I feed him.  I play with him.  I bathe him.  I change his diapers.  I wash his diapers.  I tuck him in bed.  He is my job, he's what I am employed to care for 24/7.

And he returns that with consistent tantrums and ungratefulness?

Another frustrating factor is that I generally stay calm and even-keeled.  He's not feeding off my temper because I'm not releasing a temper.

So, I know that this is really something that all moms have to deal with.  I've had multiple family members/friends tell me that when daddy comes home, the babes are angels.  But God help the mother during the day, because those same babes are running around like demons.

So how do we deal with it?  How do you keep control of your child when it seems like everything you do is a failure?  How do you handle the emotional let down of wanting to receive love back from your child and the bulk of what you see returned to you is negativity?

Moms, speak...

He is always this non-stop

...but not always this fast.

Thanks for another video of my little wind-up toy, Mom!

the technical (but not official) first haircut

For a few weeks now, we've been having to constantly brush the hair out of Roscoe's eyes, because he doesn't quite have the knack of doing it himself.  But we love it so much that we don't want to cut it all off yet.

So tonight I got up the nerve to do it.  I don't know how I succeeded, considering that Roscoe never stops moving when he's awake.  But it's done.  Hair trimmed, eyes clear of obstruction.  Remainder of the locks fully in tact.

So technically?  Yes, he's had a hair cut (like, 80 of them) (ok more than that).  But is this as big a deal as the oh my goodness you look like a kid now not a baby haircut?  No.



Good grief.... Even that little half an inch makes all the difference. 

In case you need to smile...

This video brought to you by my mother, who once again got creative with a fun video she took while babysitting.

This is what happens when you put a full plate of spaghetti vermicelli noodles in front of Roscoe.  Thanks, mom!  Cracks me up.

playground shots

I went to the park downtown today to get some exercise.  It's hard to pass up on a day this beautiful.  On the way back to the car I decided to stop and let Roscoe walk around on the playground.  For the most part, he has officially chosen walking over crawling as his method of transportation.  And, oh, the things that is introducing into his little world.

look closely

mid-walking

mid-walking, part 2

So happy with this shot that I captured as he breezed past me.  That profile!!!

all tuckered out, getting some blanket cuddles

belly laughter to carry you into the weekend

This kid is so rough and tumble.  He loves being tossed onto furniture, and the rougher, the better.  So Mark discovered a few days ago that flipping while throwing him was a huge success.

Grant porch sneak peek and why Roscoe loves his Grampa

As I was organizing pictures into various folders I came across this video that I had forgotten I recorded.  I didn't want any pictures of the porch renovation at Mark's parents' house to be posted til it was finished, but this video is just too cute not to post.

Roscoe goes through phases of which grandparent is his favorite (he doesn't understand yet when we tell him not to pick favorites).  Right now, even at the time of this video, my mom (Nana to Roscoe) is by far his most favorite person in the world.  But I dunno, Mom, you may want to watch out for Grampa.  These are some of the reasons Roscoe goes crazy when he sees this guy.

(And you both know I'm just playing around with the favorites thing, Roscoe loves you both to death, just as he does his Papa and his Grandma.) ;)

RPG's first birthday party

Better late than never.  I meant to have these pictures up long ago.

I bring you a very, very picture-heavy post.

We had a very small party with family and a few friends.  I still had the decorations from Roscoe's baby shower so I reused some of them.



mooching some ice cream coffee punch off grandma





A monumental moment.  Until this picture, Roscoe wouldn't let his godpapa near him.  For some reason, he's been terrified of him since birth.  But as you'll see in later pictures, we're slowly overcoming that fear.  I love the expressions here.



I love his face here enough that I don't care about the blurriness of the photo.  His godparents gave him a great pop-up Rocket to the Moon book.

Bathtub letters that stick on the walls when wet.  Ironically enough, he's saying "Oh!" as he holds up the letter "O."  That definitely got some laughs.

Please ignore the over-the-top excitement on my face.  I'm not really sure I remember my face getting this close to the point of exploding.

(note: I am jealous of you if you are able to look at a baby and not make the same facial expression he is making at that moment.)

a little uncertain

uncertainty gone

just slightly embarrassing

my little sweetheart sharing his cupcake with me

"get me down please i'm full"

precious.  warming up.  and it only took a year ;)

Neither Mark and I, nor either set of our parents got a picture with Roscoe that day.  But my mom captured this great one of him with his godparents.  So thankful Roscoe has 6 "grandparents" to love and learn from.

We love this little guy.  He's a fireball for sure, living up to his "RPG" initials.  Looks just like his daddy and fills my days with the oddest mix of perfectly balanced frustration and joy.  I am humbled and thankful that God has blessed us with the gift of parenthood.  Bring on the birthdays, little boy.  I can't wait to get to know you.

it's like i've always known him

I've been very nostalgic the past week as we approach Roscoe's first birthday (this coming Monday.  For real?).  There've been lots of moments of just staring at him and remembering back on how he's changed in appearance over the past year.  From coming out with a scrunched up old man face, to his skeleton-like long and lean structure, to his more current somewhat chubby (for him at least) and very handsome state.

Before he was born I used to wonder what he would look like.  Would he look predominantly like Mark or me?  Would it be a perfect mix?  Would he be big or small?  Would his temperament be wide open or subdued?  What color eyes?  All of it a mystery that my best attempts couldn't conjure up.

But now, when I get lost in those moments of staring at him as he plays on the floor with his toys, the sweet face that's become so familiar is the furthest possible thing from a mystery.  It's actually the opposite.  I look at him and feel as though we've always known each other.  Like even though we only met face-to-face a year ago, he's been a part of me forever.  Those beautiful blue eyes framed by thick curled lashes, that button nose, the way his lips contort into a curious smile or a mischievous grin or a frustrated cry.  All of it is so....natural.  So normal.  So perfect and right.  So..... always.

The best part is that when I'm lost and spinning uncontrollably in those moments, he usually looks up and me and we stare at each other for a moment, like we're thinking the same thing.  Recognizing each other, affirming silently our bond that seems to transcend even time itself.  And then he breaks it with a light-up-his-whole-face smile.  It's typically accompanied by a squeal or other happy noise.

And, oh boy, those moments.  They're the ones that seem to erase the power of every sleepless night, every puke-covered sheet, every poop-smeared mirror or article of clothing, every feeling of failure or inadequacy, every fear.

Roscoe speed eating

If we had to choose 1, and only 1 video from Roscoe's first year of life to save, I'm almost certain it would be this one.

Thanks, mom, for the work you put into it :)

on the move--nothing is safe

As I write this, I'm watching Roscoe crawl all over the room/house.  It's absolutely insane how time can pass so quickly when you're not paying close attention to it.  It really doesn't feel like that long ago that I could put him in the swing while I tried to get stuff done.  Now, if I'm working hard at household duties wasting time on the internet, I must be sure to keep an eye and ear out for where the little man is.  Because his current 2 most favorite things to do are crawl into the kitchen to chew on the edge of Sherman's food dish (eww!), or into the office to splash in the dogs' water dish (double eww!).

The "King" there looks deceiving.  No, we don't prefer to put our son in onesies and such that say "I call the shots" or "boss" or anything along the lines of "even though I'm a baby I rule everything in this house."  (I hate those outfits)  But "king of cuddles" with a cute little crown-wearing frog prince?  Bring it.

(His hands have always been big.  But here they look massive.)  He loves chewing on everything.  E.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.  It's kinda cute right now, though, because he's just got those 2 bottom teeth, so he doesn't cause damage to anything.  No teeth marks...yet.  You just hear "thud, thud, thud" or "clank, clank, clank" or "ding, ding, ding" depending on what he's chewing.

I'd love to know what he's thinking as he crawls around the house.  Hearing him say "ah!" "aaa!" in various tones and levels of excitement always makes me smile.  I can't NOT smile.  But it's got me on a new level of alertness.  I knew this day would come--the day where I couldn't just set him down and go about what I was doing.  If he doesn't like where I put him, he fixes it (which can be nice, but can be terrible).  So now I'm learning to find my balance of efficiency and responsibility.

I'm just wondering, though--how did our little bitty baby transition so quickly into this "becoming a toddler" phase?

picture catch-up

  It's been a while, and I promised some pictures, and a video.


I babysat Eliot a little over a month ago and this is what happened on the car ride home.  One of those "Doh!!!!" moments when you look back and see both of them asleep.



Thankfully I managed to get them both in and down for naps without too much of a disturbance (a feat I was quite proud of).  By the way, I love how Roscoe holds on to his carseat like that.



This is rare.  Normally Roscoe is frightened by dad (why?!), but Thanksgiving morning dad got some good cuddles.



(I think it had something to do with the fact that dad gave him cheerios that morning.)



The Thanksgiving Day feast.  Look at that plate.  Roscoe ate all of that, except for the green beans in the center (for which he doesn't yet have the appropriate teeth).

 

Although he looks wide awake, this is his sleepy sign.  He grabs his blankie and holds it up to his face to cover his eyes, then he pulls it down and looks at you.  I LOVE this about him.  Possibly my favorite Roscoe-ism at the moment.

 

Our big boy, how we usually find him when we go into his room to get him up from naps

And the promised video:



popping in

I told my mom yesterday while we were hanging out that I haven't made a blog post lately because I've had nothing to write about, but that's not true.  I do have things I could say, but I know that if I did, it'd come out as "poor me, waaa waa waaaah," so I've just opted out of the blogging thing for the time being.  Suffice it to say that for the past 6+ months, Mark and I have been going through a trial that's testing the daylights out of us.  (Did I make up that phrase?)  It's a take-it-one-day-at-a-time sort of thing, and God always give just the right amount of grace needed each day to make it through, but that doesn't mean it's easy.  There've been plenty of times that we've both reached the "can this be over yet?" or "new test please!" limit, but apparently God's not ready to allow us to move on.  So we wait, trying to practice patience and trust and obedience.

Curious?

Maybe when it's over (if it ever ends) I can fill in more details, but for now, I don't feel that's relevant.

On the Roscoe front, we have:
~ crawling, army style.  He doesn't too much prefer hands and knees
~ pulling up onto EVERYTHING.  When I get him up from naps he's waiting for me standing in the corner of the crib (video to come soon)
~ owner of 2 bottom teeth
~ loves to eat
~ weighs about 21 pounds.  Not sure of the height because I haven't measured him in a while
~ still taking 2 naps a day.  he wakes up around 7, on a good day 8, and goes down for a nap at 10.  That's the best time of the day, seeing that he normally sleeps til noon.  Then he takes another around 2.  Once he's up from that he's done napping for the day.
~ he's a handful from 5 pm until bedtime at 8...every day.  If you ever think of me, do so after 5.  Usually Mark isn't home yet and those last 3 hours are the most taxing on me.

In general, he's growing up so fast.  I can't believe he'll be 10 months old in a couple weeks.  I'm sitting in the living room right now, looking over at the spot where he was born.  It seems like just yesterday that I was laboring hard, overly eager to meet him, and now we're quickly approaching his 1st birthday.  It's just surreal.

I do hope that everyone is doing well.  Please forgive me for the lack of updates, I'll try to get better.  Even if it's just about Roscoe.  Love to all!

a little crafting

I've been dying to exercise some crafting cravings I've been having lately, but a majority of the projects I've seen are ones that cost for supplies.  And to be honest, there's not an extra penny to be spent right now for us.  And if it doesn't cost, it requires sewing.  I'm just now learning, so those projects (at the moment) are out.

Finally today, I stumbled across this little beauty on pinterest.  So I robbed  Mark's dresser for an extra t-shirt.  It's a no-sew, transform-a-t-shirt-into-a-fun-vest tutorial.  So I did it and am very happy with the result.  A new item added to my wardrobe that didn't cost a penny.  Man, that feels good.  So here are the pictures of the process for me.  I messed one step up, but luckily it didn't affect the final product (and yes, even though it's not pictured, I did cut the design off the front of the shirt).

Sorry, I don't have another picture of the finished product other than the one above.  I know it could be better, but I was too excited to post this to take the time for a photo shoot, especially with a crying Roscoe letting me know his nap was over.