I've been struggling with Roscoe. It seems like the "terrible 2s" have arrived early. More like the "terrible pre-18months," only the tantrums and fits seem to be directed mostly at me.
I just got off the phone with Mark about this, and he was encouraging (as encouraging as he can be, because this is not an easy phase for me)... But I thought I'd get my thoughts out, let you into my head, try to relinquish my stubborn "I-can-do-it-myself" childlikeness, and make myself open to suggestions and advice.
Roscoe has always had a tendency to pitch a fit. That started when he was tinier than tiny. But those fits used to be easily corrected (easily enough). He responded to our correction. Now, he's putting up really really big fights. His temper is...just right there....right under the surface ready to explode. And when he doesn't get what he wants, BOOM!!!!!!
Without giving examples, I'll say that 90% of the time, with words and facial expressions Mark can correct him and get the desired response. It isn't easy, but it works. The other 10% of the time that Mark handles it, it takes more effort.
I feel like the numbers are reversed for me. For whatever reason, my 90% is full of frustration and failure, where on my end I'm receiving abuse and anger from my own son...my 15 month old son. Often he gets angry at me and screams in my face multiple times, sometimes throwing a hit in there. Discipline doesn't seem to phase him, so it just turns into a seemingly endless cycle of whining, fussing, screaming, correction, wash, rinse, repeat.
I think what is the hardest for me is that all I feel that I do is pour love into him. I feed him. I play with him. I bathe him. I change his diapers. I wash his diapers. I tuck him in bed. He is my job, he's what I am employed to care for 24/7.
And he returns that with consistent tantrums and ungratefulness?
Another frustrating factor is that I generally stay calm and even-keeled. He's not feeding off my temper because I'm not releasing a temper.
So, I know that this is really something that all moms have to deal with. I've had multiple family members/friends tell me that when daddy comes home, the babes are angels. But God help the mother during the day, because those same babes are running around like demons.
So how do we deal with it? How do you keep control of your child when it seems like everything you do is a failure? How do you handle the emotional let down of wanting to receive love back from your child and the bulk of what you see returned to you is negativity?
Moms, speak...
It's so frustrating when all you do is love them and care for them and nurture them, and then in the end you're miserable because they can't return it. I go through it with each one of mine, and I would love to say it gets better but sometimes it doesn't. That strong-willed child might just grow in to a strong-willed adolescent. But, take heart that strong-willed adolescents tend to be successful adults. While it's not okay to scream or hit or kick, he's just voicing his frustration. It sucks when they take it out on mom. It double sucks when dad doesn't get it. Consistency is the key with redirecting. Not every child reacts to the same forms of discipline so I can't even tell you what to do with him. I would recommend reading The Strong Willed Child by James Dobson. It gives some good insight. In the meantime, bring him to someone's house where the boys are already so rowdy that you won't notice for a bit! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And thanks for not sugar coating it and saying "it'll get better" when it may not. I know there's a chance for this kind of will to be a big part of his life. If we can just learn to channel it properly!
DeleteWhat's hardest for me at the moment is that he finished self-weaning about 2 weeks ago. Even when I offer, he's not interested in nursing. So the timing was such that he quit nursing, then became mean. It's hard because that was such a sweet part of our bond and I didn't expect that sudden change in his attitude when he stopped breastfeeding. And I didn't force him off, either! It's interesting to me...