do i have to spend it?

This one's for the stay at home mommies out there, or the stay at home daddies, or the stay at home person, or in general anyone who considers him/herself a dependent, vegging off someone else's income.

I HATE spending money.  I've always been somewhat frugal and cautious with my spending (except when I was growing up and I got a $5 allowance every Saturday--which I immediately spent on coke and candy at the gas station on the way to visit grandmommy and granddaddy).  But I've noticed a severe hatred of spending money that has developed.  I don't know when it developed.  It just did.  And money?  I hate spending it.  (Did you catch that?)  Even on necessary things, like, oh say..... gas and food.  You know, things you have to have.  I've even caught myself rationing out toiletries because I refused to have to go buy more (contact solution, shampoo, etc) too soon.

Well, today I spent more than I have in the past 2 months combined (don't get alarmed, that's really not that much).  There was Christmas shopping on multiple levels: gifts, food for get-togethers, uh....ok, maybe only 2 levels.  Mark had given me a certain amount last night for this reason.  And I used it.  Because it's money.  And you spend money.  But after I got home from the grocery store tonight I was somewhat depressed at the amount I had spent.

I confessed to Mark my severe hatred of money-spending and asked if maybe it was a fault of mine.  I don't hoard.  If it needs to be spent, spend.  I got that.  But not wanting to spend money on groceries?  That's wrong, isn't it?  Or....

He very quickly responded "It's because you're not working." 



*cricket*



*crickets*




*chirp, chirp*




Wow.  That was easy.  I mean, it makes complete sense once I think about it.  I'm living off someone else's income.  If that isn't the whole reason I hate spending, it's at least got to be part of it.  Ever since I started working in high school, I didn't stop until after Roscoe got here.  Working and earning money was just part of life, part of pulling my own load.

Has this been a struggle for any other moms?  What did you do to get over it? (Or did you?  Oh, please, please tell me you did.)

on the move--nothing is safe

As I write this, I'm watching Roscoe crawl all over the room/house.  It's absolutely insane how time can pass so quickly when you're not paying close attention to it.  It really doesn't feel like that long ago that I could put him in the swing while I tried to get stuff done.  Now, if I'm working hard at household duties wasting time on the internet, I must be sure to keep an eye and ear out for where the little man is.  Because his current 2 most favorite things to do are crawl into the kitchen to chew on the edge of Sherman's food dish (eww!), or into the office to splash in the dogs' water dish (double eww!).

The "King" there looks deceiving.  No, we don't prefer to put our son in onesies and such that say "I call the shots" or "boss" or anything along the lines of "even though I'm a baby I rule everything in this house."  (I hate those outfits)  But "king of cuddles" with a cute little crown-wearing frog prince?  Bring it.

(His hands have always been big.  But here they look massive.)  He loves chewing on everything.  E.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.  It's kinda cute right now, though, because he's just got those 2 bottom teeth, so he doesn't cause damage to anything.  No teeth marks...yet.  You just hear "thud, thud, thud" or "clank, clank, clank" or "ding, ding, ding" depending on what he's chewing.

I'd love to know what he's thinking as he crawls around the house.  Hearing him say "ah!" "aaa!" in various tones and levels of excitement always makes me smile.  I can't NOT smile.  But it's got me on a new level of alertness.  I knew this day would come--the day where I couldn't just set him down and go about what I was doing.  If he doesn't like where I put him, he fixes it (which can be nice, but can be terrible).  So now I'm learning to find my balance of efficiency and responsibility.

I'm just wondering, though--how did our little bitty baby transition so quickly into this "becoming a toddler" phase?

picture catch-up

  It's been a while, and I promised some pictures, and a video.


I babysat Eliot a little over a month ago and this is what happened on the car ride home.  One of those "Doh!!!!" moments when you look back and see both of them asleep.



Thankfully I managed to get them both in and down for naps without too much of a disturbance (a feat I was quite proud of).  By the way, I love how Roscoe holds on to his carseat like that.



This is rare.  Normally Roscoe is frightened by dad (why?!), but Thanksgiving morning dad got some good cuddles.



(I think it had something to do with the fact that dad gave him cheerios that morning.)



The Thanksgiving Day feast.  Look at that plate.  Roscoe ate all of that, except for the green beans in the center (for which he doesn't yet have the appropriate teeth).

 

Although he looks wide awake, this is his sleepy sign.  He grabs his blankie and holds it up to his face to cover his eyes, then he pulls it down and looks at you.  I LOVE this about him.  Possibly my favorite Roscoe-ism at the moment.

 

Our big boy, how we usually find him when we go into his room to get him up from naps

And the promised video:



popping in

I told my mom yesterday while we were hanging out that I haven't made a blog post lately because I've had nothing to write about, but that's not true.  I do have things I could say, but I know that if I did, it'd come out as "poor me, waaa waa waaaah," so I've just opted out of the blogging thing for the time being.  Suffice it to say that for the past 6+ months, Mark and I have been going through a trial that's testing the daylights out of us.  (Did I make up that phrase?)  It's a take-it-one-day-at-a-time sort of thing, and God always give just the right amount of grace needed each day to make it through, but that doesn't mean it's easy.  There've been plenty of times that we've both reached the "can this be over yet?" or "new test please!" limit, but apparently God's not ready to allow us to move on.  So we wait, trying to practice patience and trust and obedience.

Curious?

Maybe when it's over (if it ever ends) I can fill in more details, but for now, I don't feel that's relevant.

On the Roscoe front, we have:
~ crawling, army style.  He doesn't too much prefer hands and knees
~ pulling up onto EVERYTHING.  When I get him up from naps he's waiting for me standing in the corner of the crib (video to come soon)
~ owner of 2 bottom teeth
~ loves to eat
~ weighs about 21 pounds.  Not sure of the height because I haven't measured him in a while
~ still taking 2 naps a day.  he wakes up around 7, on a good day 8, and goes down for a nap at 10.  That's the best time of the day, seeing that he normally sleeps til noon.  Then he takes another around 2.  Once he's up from that he's done napping for the day.
~ he's a handful from 5 pm until bedtime at 8...every day.  If you ever think of me, do so after 5.  Usually Mark isn't home yet and those last 3 hours are the most taxing on me.

In general, he's growing up so fast.  I can't believe he'll be 10 months old in a couple weeks.  I'm sitting in the living room right now, looking over at the spot where he was born.  It seems like just yesterday that I was laboring hard, overly eager to meet him, and now we're quickly approaching his 1st birthday.  It's just surreal.

I do hope that everyone is doing well.  Please forgive me for the lack of updates, I'll try to get better.  Even if it's just about Roscoe.  Love to all!

Blog neglect

I've realized that blogging is definitely a goal to reach, not an "I'll get to it if I have time" endeavor.

So this is just me popping in to say we're still alive and well, just a bit neglectful of the blog. I'm going to try to make an effort to update more often.

If I can get good ones, pictures of the little guy's teeth coming soon!

a little crafting

I've been dying to exercise some crafting cravings I've been having lately, but a majority of the projects I've seen are ones that cost for supplies.  And to be honest, there's not an extra penny to be spent right now for us.  And if it doesn't cost, it requires sewing.  I'm just now learning, so those projects (at the moment) are out.

Finally today, I stumbled across this little beauty on pinterest.  So I robbed  Mark's dresser for an extra t-shirt.  It's a no-sew, transform-a-t-shirt-into-a-fun-vest tutorial.  So I did it and am very happy with the result.  A new item added to my wardrobe that didn't cost a penny.  Man, that feels good.  So here are the pictures of the process for me.  I messed one step up, but luckily it didn't affect the final product (and yes, even though it's not pictured, I did cut the design off the front of the shirt).

Sorry, I don't have another picture of the finished product other than the one above.  I know it could be better, but I was too excited to post this to take the time for a photo shoot, especially with a crying Roscoe letting me know his nap was over.

it doesn't have to feel important

With that last post and the shut-down of my facebook, I made it appear as if I'd be blogging every day, keeping everyone up to date on the daily pictures of Roscoe and all the exciting tidbits of our days together.

Welllll, at the moment it's not that exciting.  I stay busy with little things throughout the day and making time to blog takes effort.  When there's not much exciting going on, I find blogging difficult and resultingly unnecessary.  The day through my eyes goes something like: wake up, feed, change, play, nap, feed, change, clean, nap, feed, errands, change, nap, cook, feed, put to bed. 

I find it ironic that I used to be the first to defend the mother who was feeling like she didn't have an important job/contribution.  Of course you do!!!  Are you kidding?!  You've got the most important AND most challenging job in the world!  Fast forward a decade or so and I would have never guessed that I should have been preaching to myself.

Please don't misunderstand, I love our little Roscoe Porter  more than my feeble words can communicate.  I just never expected to struggle on a daily basis with the mundane-ness of stay-at-home-motherhood.  But I'm not delirious enough to think that this struggle will get easier once I can communicate with Roscoe (I've got friends and family ahead of me as proof that that's not true!)  However, the day in/day out caring for a baby who can't live without my help definitely doesn't FEEL like anything important.  I keep reminding myself that this everyday life is missional, kingdom work.  But I feel things so deeply, throw myself so fully into everything I do, that I want the important things to FEEL like they're important.  So if I don't get that vibe, the struggle begins. 

This is why I'm thankful that our faith is not based on our feelings.  They're so misleading and fickle.  Still training myself daily to place my hope and identity in Christ.  But that's soooo much easier said than done.