do i have to spend it?

This one's for the stay at home mommies out there, or the stay at home daddies, or the stay at home person, or in general anyone who considers him/herself a dependent, vegging off someone else's income.

I HATE spending money.  I've always been somewhat frugal and cautious with my spending (except when I was growing up and I got a $5 allowance every Saturday--which I immediately spent on coke and candy at the gas station on the way to visit grandmommy and granddaddy).  But I've noticed a severe hatred of spending money that has developed.  I don't know when it developed.  It just did.  And money?  I hate spending it.  (Did you catch that?)  Even on necessary things, like, oh say..... gas and food.  You know, things you have to have.  I've even caught myself rationing out toiletries because I refused to have to go buy more (contact solution, shampoo, etc) too soon.

Well, today I spent more than I have in the past 2 months combined (don't get alarmed, that's really not that much).  There was Christmas shopping on multiple levels: gifts, food for get-togethers, uh....ok, maybe only 2 levels.  Mark had given me a certain amount last night for this reason.  And I used it.  Because it's money.  And you spend money.  But after I got home from the grocery store tonight I was somewhat depressed at the amount I had spent.

I confessed to Mark my severe hatred of money-spending and asked if maybe it was a fault of mine.  I don't hoard.  If it needs to be spent, spend.  I got that.  But not wanting to spend money on groceries?  That's wrong, isn't it?  Or....

He very quickly responded "It's because you're not working." 



*cricket*



*crickets*




*chirp, chirp*




Wow.  That was easy.  I mean, it makes complete sense once I think about it.  I'm living off someone else's income.  If that isn't the whole reason I hate spending, it's at least got to be part of it.  Ever since I started working in high school, I didn't stop until after Roscoe got here.  Working and earning money was just part of life, part of pulling my own load.

Has this been a struggle for any other moms?  What did you do to get over it? (Or did you?  Oh, please, please tell me you did.)