So we're here. We've arrived at the week that Mark will leave to go to such-and-such-a place for this amount of time. (It's not all that pertinent to give that info out online.)
He'll be somewhere, and it will be for a period of time.
And it stinks. Like rotting trash that an animal crawled inside of to eat and ended up dying and baking in the sun. I only say that because it's been a while since we've been able to make a dump run so our outside trash can is overflowing and kinda smells like that. It's gross, I know, but at least I'm not making you come over here to smell it. And we should be able to take care of that Tuesday. Yay!
I digress. It's definitely no fun to think about Mark being gone. A number of factors play into this situation that haven't been present in the past.
First, Roscoe. The kid is on the outside now. It was difficult for Mark to leave me for a military trip when I was 8 months pregnant, but that wasn't very challenging on my end. Let's be honest. I slept away those 6 weeks. But this time, there's an 11.5 month old living with us. And he loves his daddy. About day 3 or 4 of Mark being gone--every trip--Roscoe starts climbing the "what is mommy's limit" ladder. And I'm dyyyying for Mark's drill to be over so he can once again establish his presence in the home. But it's also difficult on Mark's end. He'll miss Roscoe's first birthday and all the nostalgia that comes with it (and there's a loooot of birthing nostalgia oozing out of the walls of this house). And he'll miss a big period of developmental milestones in Roscoe's life. When he comes back, Roscoe will most likely be walking and generally appearing like a different kid altogether.
Second, it's odd because we both feel like he's already gone. He has been working like c.r.a.z.y. And I'll be the first to back him up for it. He hasn't been working because he wants to be away from home. This is really just due to factors beyond his control. 7 days a week: he gets up in the morning, brings Roscoe to me, showers, feeds the pigs, grabs a cup of coffee to go, and heads out the door, usually by 8-8:30 am. And IF we're lucky, he makes it home by 8 before Roscoe goes to bed. But the majority of the time he's in around 9-10 pm, some days as late as 1 am. So we kind of feel like he's already away on his trip, he just gets to come home to crash at night. I really hate it for him. He's had no down time in months. And he's about to have to be working 7 days a week in a totally different environment. But in a way (from my perspective), this has helped the transition period before his trip. It would be much harder if we were to have to transition from spending every evening together to spending none together. At least this way, the days and evenings won't feel much different for me. I just won't have bedtime to look forward to when I'd hear his keys in the door.
Third, the communication will be challenging. It will be difficult not to pick up the phone and call him whenever I want, even if just to leave a voicemail (or just to hear his voice on the voicemail....which I do more often than I leave messages). No facetime/skyping/etc. We'll be able to talk (I assume occasionally), but our speech will be delayed, somewhat like this: "hello?...................................................... Hey, how are you?.......................................................... I'm good, you?........................................................" that kind of thing.
So, it all starts Wednesday morning. Mom will be watching Roscoe for us so I can take Mark to WV, where I'll leave him Thursday morning to come home. And he'll fly out to his destination a few days later I guess. I don't really know the schedule.
Yes, prayers appreciated. Behind my facade of strength is a girl who is prone to fear and anxiety and creating terribly frightening hypothetical situations. Those things aren't the "these things" that Philippians 4:8 refers to. God's got Mark. God's got me. God's got Roscoe. That's truth.
Also, please don't give any "well I know it's not as hard as your situation" disclaimers if your husband has to spend time away from home, even if it's one night. There was a time when I may have thought sheesh, you wouldn't last a month in my world, but those thoughts vanished very quickly after I had them. Whether gone for 1 night, or 1 year, (in my opinion) a husband away from home is a husband away from home. And it's not easy, no matter the circumstances. But thankfully God gives each of us the grace to make it through each of our situations. I'm not relying on the grace I got last month when Mark was at drill to carry me through this upcoming trip. Just like I have yet to need the grace that carries me through a year of my husband's absence (like my Mom has tapped into). I need some fresh each morning. And thankfully God has never failed me in that area. I am blessed.
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