finding contentment

I struggle with the balance between transparency and complaining.  I sincerely don't want to come across as a martyr or complainer in posts where I'm trying to be open.  So with that disclaimer, I'll share something that I've been dealing with for the past month or so.  It is closely related to the post I made recently about being "tied down" to home.

Mark and I were blessed with the ability to buy a house in January 2010.  This house is about 890 sq ft, 3 bed, 1 bath.  As you can probably imagine, fitting 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, a kitchen and a living room in 890 sq ft makes things a little cramped.  Our room fits our bed (a king sized Mark got for FREE before we met), 2 nightstands, and his dresser.  My dresser is in Roscoe's room, along with some bookshelves, a papasan chair (that doesn't fit in the living room), and his dresser and crib.  The other bedroom is the office/dog's room.  Until we get Mark's shed together where he can put his tools, that bedroom is a junk room of sorts.

Here's the best way for me to describe the house as it stands right now (as far as decorated and put together)..........  Any of you understand what I mean when I say "carpenter's house?"  There's a big tradeoff you make when you have a handy man who can fix anything.  You're house is always in a state of repair.  I'm NOT putting Mark down with this, it's just the way it works out.  After all, carpenters spend the day working, right?  Repairing people's houses and making money off that.  When they get home, they usually don't have the time or energy to fix something in the house they live in, and I can't blame them!!!  Not only that, but I can't pay Mark to work on our house (as nice as that would be), so he's just got to get materials here when he can, piecing things together little by little.

So our hallway has gone through a year and a half long transition from carpeted, crappy drywall/trim to hardwoods, new drywall, and (what's in the process of ) new trim around the doors.  But not all the doors have trim.  We knocked out a hole in the wall between the kitchen and living room to open things up a bit (which we LOVE).  That's still not all trimmed out.

Here's the struggle:  I am simultaneously thankful for the fact that God gave us the ability as young twenty-somethings to buy a house, and discontent with the fact that it's not the most beautifully decorated or put together.

Where this struggle stems from, I have yet to figure out.  I'm not sure if it's a my wanting to appear a certain way (to people) or if it's just my perfectionism manifesting itself in a desire for everything to be orderly (for myself).  Even in a small house, it's possible to walk in and feel this cozy, magazine-like feeling about the way the house is put together and decorated.  But for different reasons, ours can't be like that right now.  I know that in the grand scheme of things, this is not a big deal.  It doesn't even show up on the radar of things that matter.  But for some reason, I struggle with wanting that perfection, to the point of giving disclaimers when people come over.  Why do I need to do that?!  We have a house, a roof over our heads, a place the sleep, a great mortgage for a couple starting out.  Sure, add another child in a couple years and this place will feel really small (in fact, it's already starting to with Roscoe crawling around).  But it's way more than we need or deserve.

Why can't my heart grasp onto what Paul says in Philippians 4:11-13

.... Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.  In any and every circunstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me.