Don't fear the normal

There have been so many things about this pregnancy that are different than Roscoe's.  The first time, everything was so new to me and I knew that I wanted a natural birth, but didn't know exactly what that looked like.  And that made me want to keep it all to myself--the whole experience.  I didn't want to broadcast what was happening as it happened to me because I didn't know anything about it experience wise.  That's why, if you knew me then, one day I was pregnant and then *bam* there were pictures of Roscoe online.  Only a handful of people knew that I was in labor when I was in labor.  The biggest reason for that was because I wanted privacy, worried that the stress of everyone pressuring me about how things were going would only cause my body to slow down.  Maybe I was right.  Maybe I was wrong.  Who knows.  It was a complicated birth regardless, and whether or not having it all to ourselves helped or hurt the process isn't worth trying to figure out now.  It happened.  And I apologize if my selfishness for the kind of birth I wanted left you hurt or offended that you didn't know the details of what was happening when.

This time, however.....

I have a totally different approach.  There are so many women who fear birth.  I did at one time.  And I honestly feel that our culture is to blame for that.  We've taken something so natural to the essence of women and created a monster out of it.  A big, ugly looking, scary, "it's-gonna-eat-me-if-i-get-near-it" monster.  It shouldn't be that way! And with this labor and birthing experience, I'm hoping to share my experience and journey in an attempt to normalize labor and childbirth.  I know the circle of people that read this is a small one, but if it can positively affect even one person, then I'll be happy.  

So as I experience these first twinges of labor pains, I want to talk about it, normalize it.... Let people know what I'm going through so they can see what a natural birth looks like.  And not be scared of it.  The way the woman's body was designed is so fascinating.  And we're constantly told lies about our bodies prior to birth.  One of the most common I hear from people is "my pelvic bones are too small to birth, my doctor told me I have the smallest ones he's ever seen."  And I'm not mocking women who have believed this lie.  If I had a doctor tell me the same thing, I'd believe it too.  Why wouldn't you?  They're supposed to know everything about birth...  Here's the thing.  At this moment, my pelvic bones are probably too small to pass a child through.  Maybe, maybe not.  But at the beginning of pregnancy? Definitely!  No woman's body is ready to give birth when the doctor usually tells her that her pelvic bones are too small.  That's the amazing part of the design.  During childbirth, my body will release a wonderful array of hormones responsible for different things.  One of them (I'm not my midwife, I can't tell you the name of it) basically allows the bones in my body to unhinge themselves and separate/stretch out to make room for the baby to pass through the birth canal.  The tailbone even swings out (it's normally curved inward slightly) to make room.  That's the one my midwife was concerned about before Roscoe, because I had a tailbone injury a year or so prior to his birth.  But a few visits to the chiropractor insured that everything was ok... (Yes, I could feel the pain in my tailbone during birth, but it wasn't enough to keep me from birthing.)

So the one time I've given birth?  Man, Roscoe's labor was hard.  He wasn't in the correct position.  Every second of every contraction was the most terrible thing I've ever experienced.  Back labor is no joke.  And anyone who has been through it can testify to the severity of that kind of pain.

What if that happens again?  Well, that's gonna suck.... But I wouldn't trade the natural birth for anything, after having been through it once already.  So he wasn't in the right position..... He was still born.  It still worked out.  Even though I "didn't know what I was doing" and had no way of knowing what was ahead of me when labor started, my body still handled it.  There's crazy ridiculous insane strength and courage inside of every woman to give birth, but as a whole, we're too scared to trust our bodies and instincts to try it, mainly because we believe the lies that we're told about birth.

Sure, this time around I'm hoping for a correctly positioned baby, to facilitate a calmer, more peaceful birth than the first.  Who wouldn't hope for that?

But regardless, I'm not going to allow myself to fear the process.  I'm made for this.  And if you're the average woman, you are too.  I'm not a super hero because I birth my children at home.  But I am blessed to know about the birthing process, and that's what I want other women to have.  Knowledge.  I know too many sad stories of women who just didn't know their options, and consequently didn't get the chance to let their bodies work naturally.

So in the coming days I hope to make more posts about what's going on with my body and what I'm experiencing pre-labor-wise.