a summary of the past 2 weeks

I had said in my last post that I would keep updates coming.  My bad for not actually POSTING the updates.  I have kept a somewhat ongoing diary of each day on my phone though.  And here it is.  Clearly, you can see how each day is a battle... physically and mentally.

January 16-- had (what Elizabeth later identified as) some mild contractions when I laid down for bed at the end of the day.  She said this was likely to happen off and on, and that i needed to let her know if it got to the point where I had to work through each one.

January 17th-- felt heavier and like I was carrying lower than normal all day, was very busy and on my feet a lot.  Got a nap, but around 8:45 had to lie down, and the same dull back pain and abdominal cramps from the night before came back.  Nothing that must keep my concentration, but hard to ignore too because I feel like it's signaling that things are going to get rolling in the next few days.  Feeling pissy and emotional.  Want to cry because things aren't getting done and I'm not allowed to do them.  If everything were ready my mind might let my body do its thing, but I feel like these last minute details are what's keeping me from going into active labor.

January 18th-- some mild contractions in the afternoon.  Barely noticeable, but there.  These beginning contractions are way different than what I remember.  A lot more tolerable than anything I ever had with Roscoe.

January 19th--  5 am woke up to go to the bathroom and started contracting again when I laid back down.  They've been coming and going in waves now for an hour.  I was preparing mentally to have the baby tomorrow, maybe I'm wrong?

January 21st-- first contraction since late lunch yesterday came around 2:40.  It was the first decent one yet that required any sort of thought to get through.  More around 10 pm.  Had 3 contractions in the span of 20 minutes.  Expressed reaching the point of getting frustrated with contractions that didn't seem to be going anywhere.  Mark told me that he thinks my biggest enemy in labor is my mind.  I tend to agree.  Working now on relaxing and letting my body do its thing.

January 23rd-- Felt like today was it.  When nothing happened by the end of the day I was feeling very down.  Becoming weary of daily contractions that "aren't doing anything."  Whether or not they are dilating me, I know these contractions are beneficial and warming my body up.  But my emotions have a hard time accepting it.  It's definitely a battle between my heart and my mind.
It's one thing to know that a due date is not an expiration date, it's another thing entirely to be aware of that but experiencing contractions from 37.5 weeks.
The contractions picked up today more than ever.  More of them more often, but still irregular.  Almost 11 pm now and I'm hoping to get a decent amount of rest tonight.  Although I feel contractions may interrupt that sleep.

January 24th-- Doesn't this baby know his due date is still over a week away?  It's fine for him to be "overdue."  But there's really no need to fake me out with so many on-off-on-off contractions.  Mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting.

January 26th-- Right now I'm good.  Nothing on the physical front.  I think I've reconciled in my mind that I'm ok with this lasting another week.  My due date still isn't til a week from tomorrow.  And I never imagined that I'd last that long, but that doesn't mean he'll come early.  And I know it'll be a challenge once he's here, and nothing will be the same again (even though I'm excited about that).  So right now I'm enjoying time with Roscoe while he's still my only little boy.  And resting as much as possible.

January 28th-- After a couple days of nothing and being ok with that, at 11 pm as I tried to start relaxing to sleep, I got a few contractions.  Just going to breathe, hopefully go to sleep.

January 30th-- not gonna lie, compared to the previous birth, these contractions feel good.  They feel like everything I had expected but didn't get to experience with Roscoe.  "It's a good pain," "they feel like they're accomplishing something," "it's uncomfortable and painful, but you can breathe through them."  Right now as they come I'm just relaxing and enjoying the fact that they're warming my body up for the real thing.  Elizabeth encouraged me yesterday to just ignore them until I couldn't possible anymore.  I'm in a lot better spirits today than I was a week ago with still being pregnant.