A few days ago I had to run out to a pharmacy to get some more diapers for Roscoe. Mark was back at the hotel so I was able to go alone. (Sidenote: it's amazing how enjoyable a quick pharmacy trip can be to a mom when she's able to go alone.)
As I pulled up to park I didn't notice a man sitting in front of the space until I was half-way parked. It would have been way too noticable and rude to have moved from that spot at that moment, so I finished parking and got out of the car with a smile.
Me, friendly and cheerful: "Hi!"
Him: "hey, how are ya?"
Me: "I'm doing well, you?"
Him, dejected and somewhat slurred: "Ohhhh I'm just trying to survive."
Maybe I wasn't expecting that response from him, leading to my terrible reaction. I just said "Aweee," with a little giggle. Not a mocking giggle, more like a giggle that would slip out as you passed by a child playing with a new puppy. Just light and airy.
Uggghhhhh.
I walked in feeling terrible and awkward. That was the perfect example of all those times that I said I'd react one way, when in reality I reacted the opposite.
What I should have been doing while in the store was trying to figure out how to respond in a more gospel-centered way once I returned to my car. Instead I was hoping maybe he'd moved on.
When I checked out (diapers and 2 bags of trail mix to munch on during the day), a man walked in and told the cashier "You got some guy bumming money off people out here." The cashier paged the manager to take care of the situation, but before that happened, I was ready to return to my car.
I walked out looking at the ground, determined not to say anything to him. As I unlocked it and began to open the door, that slurred voice said "Heeey sweethhheart..." Halfway into my seat, I looked up, smiled, and said "Hi!" again, awkwardly. I shut the door and started up the car. He was still sitting in that same spot, right in front of my car. He threw his hands up in that confused, shrugged position and cocked his head sideways. This next part nauseates me a little. I looked at him from behind the steering wheel, smiled and waved excitedly.
What was I trying to do? Make him feel better by smiling and being chipper? Seriously? Forgive me if this offends you, but there's only 1 word I can think of that he must have been thinking as I drove off: bitch. I shut my car door on him before he even had the chance to ask me for anything.
As I was driving off it hit me that I had bought 2 bags of trail mix. No, I didn't have any money to give him. But I had 2 bags of trail mix. If nothing else, I could have at least tossed him 1 as I got into my car. But I didn't.
I had the chance to show Jesus to him. To show him Christ's love with 1 simple little act, at virtually no cost. It would have cost us $4 and about 5 seconds of my time. Instead I did the comfortable thing. I ignored him. Worse than that. I closed the door in his face.
This happened 2 nights ago and I can't get it out of my head. I sing in worship to Christ about his love and ask Him to give me the opportunities to show it to others, and when the opportunity hits me over the head like a cinderblock, I don't recognize it. And at this point I'm wondering if I would react with Christ's love even if I did recognize it.
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